Pushing and Reflection

This week I’ve had the distinct not-pleasure of sleeping about every other night. I hate when my insomnia/ptsd kick in hard core. It’s hit the point where I actually feel a little drunk from lack of sleep–you know that the-room-is-spinning kind of sensation? Yeah… good times.

Anyway! Said insomnia was precipitated because I decided last week that I should really work harder on getting to bed earlier (and on some of my other health regimens) so I spent the week trying to force my body to cooperate and then this week it rebelled.

I’m reminded of Newton’s Third Law–the whole whatever force you put into something, an equal and opposing force comes back. Sort of like bouncing a ball: the harder you force the ball down, the harder it bounces back up.

It’s easy for me to think gritting my teeth and forcing my way through/past whatever may be going on in my life is the best way to handle things. I was raised to believe that no matter what is going on in your life, you just push through it. But over the past few years I’ve begun to realize that may not be the best response. In fact, I think it’s rather counter to the way God designed us to work. We’re supposed to be overwhelmed with life and then to depend on God–not be overwhelmed and fight our way through on our own.

Trying to do things on my own means I’m like those comic book heroes who find they’re actually fighting themselves when the villain simply reflects their powers/strength back onto them. Much better to let God be the one fighting on my behalf. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got enough junk going on in my life without adding fighting myself.

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