The past year has been a year for grief. I think I’ve already shared that’s actually a big part of why I hadn’t been blogging–I’ve felt like I’m doing well just to drag air in and out of my lungs. It’s exhausting, and it feels like I’m carrying an ocean.
I’ve been thinking about gravity and relaxation, trying to remember my Tai Chi. See, you can look at gravity as a hindrance or a help. When you’re relaxed and your center of balance is moved to your feet (i.e., all your weight dropping down into the floor), gravity helps keep you in place. It’s like a giant hand holding you in place, helping you keep your balance. And so it provides the anchor to allow you to move. If you weren’t able to balance, you could never move forward.
On the other hand, if you fight gravity–keep your muscles tense and work to break free from gravity–you end up being off-balance and exhausted. It’s all in how you handle gravity. It can be friend or foe, completely depending on how you treat it.
Grief is like that. It’s exhausting to fight it. Heck, it’s exhausting to simply sit with it. But it can be be a force for life. It can stabilize. It can open up the possibility of moving forward. Carrying my ocean can actually give me greater balance, but only if I relax and let the weight drop straight through my soul and into the ground.