The other day I was editing. This is nothing unusual–you can find me editing almost every day. I ended up cutting a couple lines that I absolutely love (it was for the overall flow of the story), so I decided I should blog about them.
“My teeth chattered. I wondered how many more bits of myself I would lose along the way.
Jesus shook His head slowly. “Not lose, darling. Find.”
I love this concept! This particular story is all about identity. The main character finds her identity in her woundedness, instead of in Christ. And when He gently, but firmly, takes away a piece of that identity, she’s bereft. She’s terrified.
I can totally relate to this one (obviously, since I wrote it;))! The past two years, God has ripped up a lot of my conceptions of who I am. I’m not the competent one anymore–I’m the woman who’s forced to ask for help all the time. My illness means I can’t do tons of things I used to manage without even thinking about them. I’m not teaching in any church setting right now, which breaks my heart a little bit. But, I’m writing instead, and teaching my kids. Most of all, I’m learning (slowly, slowly) that God’s love isn’t performance based. He still loves me, even on the days when I accomplish nothing. The more functionality I’ve lost, the more I’m having to rest in that concept.
So often, I hang onto the things that display who I think I am (or who I wish I was), even while God is trying give me a glimpse of my true identity.
God, rescue me from myself and my own quest to define myself. Please open my heart to see myself the way You see me. Thank You that Your love is–not because of who I am or what I’ve done/not done–but because of who You are! Root me and ground me in Your love. In Jesus’ Name, amen.