Being Found

The other day I was editing. This is nothing unusual–you can find me editing almost every day. I ended up cutting a couple lines that I absolutely love (it was for the overall flow of the story), so I decided I should blog about them.

“My teeth chattered. I wondered how many more bits of myself I would lose along the way.
Jesus shook His head slowly. “Not lose, darling. Find.”

I love this concept! This particular story is all about identity. The main character finds her identity in her woundedness, instead of in Christ. And when He gently, but firmly, takes away a piece of that identity, she’s bereft. She’s terrified.

I can totally relate to this one (obviously, since I wrote it;))! The past two years, God has ripped up a lot of my conceptions of who I am. I’m not the competent one anymore–I’m the woman who’s forced to ask for help all the time. My illness means I can’t do tons of things I used to manage without even thinking about them. I’m not teaching in any church setting right now, which breaks my heart a little bit. But, I’m writing instead, and teaching my kids. Most of all, I’m learning (slowly, slowly) that God’s love isn’t performance based. He still loves me, even on the days when I accomplish nothing. The more functionality I’ve lost, the more I’m having to rest in that concept.

So often, I hang onto the things that display who I think I am (or who I wish I was), even while God is trying give me a glimpse of my true identity.

God, rescue me from myself and my own quest to define myself. Please open my heart to see myself the way You see me. Thank You that Your love is–not because of who I am or what I’ve done/not done–but because of who You are! Root me and ground me in Your love. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

4 thoughts on “Being Found”

  1. I’m with ya. I love going back and re-reading old blog entries. I’ve also found that blogging teaches me more about Scripture than anything else.

    Also, I’m struggling with identity. I have begun defining myself as my baby’s mother. Recently, I was in a recovery meeting with a woman who just sent her son off to college, and was facing an identity crisis–because she didn’t know who she was without him. I see this happening to myself sometime in the next 20 years, and it’s terrifying to me.

    We discussed in THIS week’s meeting how we need to root our identity in God. It’s hard, but something that I need to do.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. I so agree, Nikki–I have found that blogging really helps me process through the things God’s teaching me. I was re-reading over my old blog entries last night and joked that I’m my blog’s biggest fan 🙂 those ideas still stretch me. It’s nice to have somewhere that I can go back to and sort of re-orient myself when things get crazy. That’s so cool that you’re already processing through this while your baby is still a baby rather than once he/she is an adult! Love when God nips problems in the bud (or at least makes us aware of them early on)! Thanks for your comment! 🙂

    1. Me too!! I’ve been realizing more and more that being rooted and grounded in God’s love is the answer to most of my issues and that I can’t get there through my own strength. So been praying God will pick me up and move me to that place!

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