Filth. Dirt. Mess. Part of my background means that I’m a little obsessive about cleanliness. Physical dirt and disorganization is associated with trauma to me. I can handle going to a friend’s house, but I have trouble not hyperventilating in public restrooms. It’s something I’m working on. My children are continually stretching me 🙂
We were recently in a house that made my skin crawl. And as I was praying about it, God reminded me that sin makes Him feel even worse. Jesus came and became human. He lived in our physical and spiritual filth for 33 years. Just the idea of days in messiness sounds overwhelming to me. Scripture says my righteous acts are like the rags a woman used for her period (Isaiah 64:6). And those are the things I cling to and hold up for brownie points. I glory in them.
I found myself wondering if I could do the same thing. This isn’t the way I prefer to live, but can I put that away? Can I lay aside my disgust and open my heart up to love? God has put me in these various situations for a reason. What if I miss something beautiful because I’m too busy looking at dirt? Focus determines perspective. I can choose to focus on how awful I feel, or I can focus on listening for God’s voice. He’s called me to share His love with everyone, even those who like mess. It’s incompatible with who I am, as His child, to hold myself aloof.
O God, change my heart. Give me Your kind of love. Let Your love overwhelm the barriers I’ve erected to protect myself. God, free me from my fear-based living and overwhelm it with Your love. Let me run after You to the exclusion of all my prejudices.