Editing/publishing is still going slower than I want. I sent the rewrite of my last story to my editor, who sent it back with a strong suggestion I rewrite it again. Constantly managing criticism is the hardest thing about this process for me. My heart broke a little thinking about rewriting when everything seemed so close to completion. But, I did it anyway, and I like the story better now. You can pray my editor does too 🙂
Frequently I find myself questioning if this book is really what God has for me. I can’t stop though. It’s a call resonating deep in my being and I can’t ignore it. However, when I get a marked up story, I start to doubt. I beg God for a reminder that this is what He wants. And the first couple times He gave me one; I would hear from one of my other readers that God had used it to change their life, or receive some other perfectly-timed encouragement.
But after a while, the only thing I heard was “I’ve already told you, now practice believing Me.” This week has been another tangle of doubts–doubts about the book, doubts about writing at all ever, doubts about my ability to hear God.
Happily, I’ve been memorizing James for Beth Moore’s study. So I’ve had James 1:5-8 ringing in my ears (as you may have noticed). James 1:5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. (NIV)
Doubting opens me up to a world of confusion. It’s as though I have two minds at war with each other. I’m not saying we should suppress our doubts. In fact, ignoring them only allows them to grow stronger. Facing them head on with God is the path to growth. Doubts we bring to Him are transformed into something amazing–faith. It’s the doubts we hang onto and act on that trip us up.
As I think about writing my book, belief looks like telling God I long to follow Him, regardless of where that is. If I should stop writing, I trust Him to change my path. In the meantime, I need to press on with the editing. And really, I want to publish it at the exact right time. Since I have no idea when that is, I’ll have to keep trusting God to speed up or slow down the process appropriately. I need to believe and not doubt the things God has already said.
And hopefully, Tales from a Spacious Place will be coming out sometime this year!! (preferably earlier in the year than later!!)