More on Memory

This week I’ve been feeling fussy. I’m in the middle of rewriting one of my stories (again) and my health has taken a downturn (again). As you may have noticed, it’s easy for me to get bogged down in the problems of today.

Fortunately, I ended up having to take a walk down memory lane this week. It’s amazing what a little perspective will do to change one’s view of the present. Looking back and asking “what if?” transformed mine. What if God hadn’t rescued me? What if He hadn’t changed my trajectory?

I had been complaining to God about the need to rewrite. After my little excursion, I found myself in awe that God’s called me to do anything, that He rescued me at all. I was raised in a Christian home. I knew who God was (in theory). But I still wanted nothing to do with Him. I wasn’t on track to fall in love with Him or be brought along on this amazing adventure we call Christianity. I became a believer in high school, despite full out rebellion against God.

Not only did He rescue me to Himself, He prepared good works for me to do in advance–good works that cause me to soar in the wide open spaces of being the woman He created me to be. Writing hasn’t been on my list of potential jobs since about 4th grade. I didn’t plan to write or publish a book. I just sort of fell into it. And there are days when it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And there are days when it’s one of the most rewarding and enjoyable things I’ve ever done. Being in the process of writing my book has made me wonder how much blood, sweat, and tears other authors bled whilst writing their books. Did C.S. Lewis ever throw his manuscripts across a room? Did J.K. Rowling write and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite to the point where she hated her work?

Earlier I found myself complaining to God about the disarray our house is in and our busy schedule. After my shift in perspective, I was amazed that He would give us such a wonderful house, which I love, even when it’s a disaster area. I’m blessed to have children who greatly contribute to the disarray because they’re healthy and happy and still young. God doesn’t owe me anything. I already owe Him everything. Yet He’s blessed me beyond anything I could imagine. My husband is yet another example of His grace. I married someone who wasn’t my “type”–he’s nice, tender and compassionate. Before dating him, I always tended to go for the horrible guys. Instead, God turned my path and I ended up married to my best friend, someone who encourages me to follow Jesus with everything I am. He’s a great dad to our kids (also not in my “type”).

Thinking back to where I was before has re-reminded me of the importance of memory. As I said in my last blog, I’ve been very challenged to remember what God has taught me. But I’m also re-realizing the importance of remembering where I used to be, who I used to be. I need that knowledge for the days when I feel like I’m not making progress or when I’m dissatisfied with where I am. When I remember where I was, I can suddenly see that God has brought me here, step by step, and then here looks pretty good. Plus, it strengthens my faith for the future.

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